It's a big pouty-thumb-in-the-mouth-sulk too.
I like to think that I'm a decent enough cook. I can follow a recipe. I can make up my own and produce something presentable and palatable at a push. I can make a mean Vicky Sponge. Puddings, pies, muffins, brownies - they all turn out ok. So why can't I make that simplest of fare - that most elementary of cakes - the humble scone?
I've tried. Lawwwwwd how I've tried. (cue plaintive Billie Holliday background vocals) Probably at least 37 (and a half) different recipes. I've followed allegedly fail safe recipes from friends. I've attempted those from all of the new young bucks in the culinary world. I've consulted the revered tomes of High Priestesses Nigella, Delia and Mary. And, more latterly, i.e. this morning, I've used the holy grail of all sconish recipes from Richard Hunt, the scone baker extraordinaire who has allegedly made 150,000 of these doughy delicacies in his lifetime and who recently disclosed his top secret method on La Allsop's new programme.
Well. All I have to say is ...
PAH!!!! it doesn't ruddy well work!!!
I don't know what I'm doing wrong. I measure accurately to the very last grain of whatever is required, I handle the dough as little as possible - hey I even hide behind cupboards and merely surprise it a little with a fork rather than over work it. My ingredients are fresh. My oven is correctly set. I whisper loving incantations to it as the dough comes together. I offer up silent prayers to the Kitchen Witch as the tray slides into the hot oven.
My culinary nerves are frayed as I chew my nails in anticipation at opening the oven to billowy, well risen pillows of sconishness... only to find what can probably be best described as fat biscuits which sit there in a huddle and snigger at me as if to say... HAHHHH you STILL CAN'T MAKE SCONES!!
Well, scones, you have finally defeated me. My Kitchen Witch has flown out through the cat flap in despair and embarrassment and I'm about to launch another dozen projectiles into the garden for the dog to do with what he will. I'd throw them to the birds but the RSPB know where I live.
Do you have a fail-safe recipe for the little buggers you'd like to share? Is there a recipe which constantly defeats you? I'd love to know!
Thanks to all of you who read my blog and a very warm welcome to my new follower. It's lovely to see you here x